G 
Well you can talk about your lovers and your backdoor pimps
        C
You can talk about your Hollywood fags
   D
If you wanna know the baddest m*********ker in the world
                              G
Then I?m the greatest lover alive.

G
Jackie Onassis was a snuff queen for me 
  C
Before she ever got rich
    D
And it would take the average man a day and a half
                     G
Just to satisfy that b***h.

        G
Why the Queen of England gave me the key
       C
To the whole damn country of France
    D
And it only took me fifteen minutes
                G
To get into her pants.

       G
Well I f**ked ?em all from coast to coast
      C
Cause honey that my bag
   D
In fact I?m the only man in the whole world
                               G
That could make Linda Lovelace gag.

             G                         C
Dumm dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum
    G                   D
Dum dum dum dum dum dum dum
            G                         C
Dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum
    G       D           G
Dum dum dum dum dum dum dum.

       G
Now it ain?t that my dick so God damn big
    C
Its just I know how to use it
    D
And I?ll never let some nickel-dime w***e
                       G
Ever get the chance to abuse it.

         G
They can suck it for hours and hours on end
    C
But I?ll still be in control
    D
And I won?t cum till I wanna cum
                     G
Cause that?s my jellyroll.

    G
Now there ain?t no woman no match for me
     C
I?ve had ?em try to wear me down
     D
I?ve f**ked them barmaids and bank clerks
                       G
I even f**ked a circus clown.

G
Teachers and lawyers, doctors 
              C
And Lord them fat women sure are a drag
  D
I tell ya I?m the only m*********ker in the world
                             G
That can make Linda Lovelace gag.

[Instrumental]
G C G D G C G D G

        G
Why Old Hairy Reams fell apart at the seams
        C
When he saw me f**k that w***e
    D
She sucked my dick swallowed my nuts 
                         G
And I still hollered for more.

    G
She sucked my a*****e she sucked my toes
          C
She?s the suckinest b***h alive
     D
Well I made her call up two more cunts
                           G
And friend that ain?t no jive.

G
She don?t give me know s**t 
      C
About bein? some big time lover
     D
Some movie star with a jag
                                                     G
Cause you ain?t s**t if you can?t get Linda Lovelace gag.

G
I don?t talk about bein? no full time lover
      C
Cause mister that?s my bag
D
I?m the only m*********ker in the damn world
                             G
That can make Linda Lovelace gag.

             G                         C
Dumm dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum
    G                   D
Dum dum dum dum dum dum dum
            G                         C
Dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum
    G       D           G
Dum dum dum dum dum dum dum.
Take it boys.