Woke up early on Saturday
My tie was still on and my hat was
Resting on the bed post
Sunglasses lost in the sheets

Oh, who will I call
Chevy’s an ass and Gilda’s got a cold
I always took the fall
It didn’t matter then
Because John would always laugh
But he’s not laughing now

Rushed to call my agent on my Monday
I need new work to get my head out of this
It’s with a young kid named Murray
It’s a ghost flick but the hell with it

Oh, who will I call
Chevy’s an ass and Gilda’s got a cold
I always took the fall
It didn’t matter then
Because John would always laugh
But he’s not laughing now

I knew the guy he used to buy from
I may have even introduced them
He was a skinny guy from Brooklyn
Arms always full of women
So I decided to take my shotgun
And take a long walk to Brooklyn
I’d make him put the outfit on
And strap him into the chair

Then I stuffed everything in his mouth
Everything he was holding
I left him there to shout
I had an audition
And we have to, move on
Without our brother John
And everybody’s got to sing new songs
So Elwood, it’s time
To move on

Oh, who will I call
Chevy’s an ass and Gilda’s got a cold
I always took the fall
It didn’t matter then
Because John would always laugh
But he’s not laughing now