Em
In a cafe
                Am
On the Champs-Élysées
                        Em
I saw a girl the other day
          Em
I was beguiled
                 Am
'till I saw her smile
         B7*    B7*        Em
It was a gash across her face

[Verse]
 Em                          Am
Not long ago she found that she was alone
                        Em
So she wandered into a vaudeville show

She should have known it'd be bad
            Am                    B7*             B7* B7* Em
She saw the name that it had: The Straight Razor Ca-ba-ret
    Em              Am
The first act was a stripper
                                  Em
And the host looked like Jack the Ripper
                     Am
But the audience was dreary
          B7*           B7*          B7*  B7*   B7*
And so he slashed them smiles from ear to ear

[Chorus]
          Am
He used a straight-razor
             Em
Cause he's a face raper
            Am*   Am                      Em
And there's nothing he hates more than a stick in the mud
      Am
If he tells a joke
           Em
You better laugh until you choke
       Am             B7  Em
At the Straight Razor Cabaret

[Verse 2]
            Em             Am
When I went down to Camden town
                        Em
I saw a man reading the Bible
                              Am
I won't in haste describe his face
      B7*       B7*   B7*  Em
For I might be sued for libel

Em                           Am
Not long ago he found that he was alone
                      Em
So he wandered into a vaudeville show

He should have known he'd be maimed
           Am
When he discovered the name:
    B7*             B7* B7* Em
The Straight Razor Ca-ba-ret
                             Am
While the strumpet stroked a donkey
                           Em
The host juggled five dead monkeys
                      Am
But the audience were snobs
      B7*     B7*          B7* B7*    B7*
So he took a knife right to their gobs

[Chorus]
          Am
He used a straight-razor
             Em
Cause he's a face raper
            Am*   Am                      Em
And there's nothing he hates more than a stick in the mud
      Am
If he does a trick
           Em
You better laugh until you're sick
       Am             B7   Em
At the Straight Razor Cabaret


[Proceed to 'La' while following this strum pattern]
Em Am Am Em Em Am B7 Em (repeat x3 if you want to include the accordion and violin solos, just have fun!)

[Chorus]
              Am
They call him straight-razor
             Em
Cause he's a face raper
            Am*   Am                      Em
And there's nothing he hates more than a stick in the mud
      Am                Em
If he pulls a gaffe you bloody up and laugh!
         Am             B7  Em
It's the Straight Razor Cabaret!
         Am             B7  Em
It's the Straight Razor Cabaret!
         Am             B7 B7
It's the Straight Razor Ca~ba~


[Proceed to 'La' while following this strum pattern]
Em Am Am Em Em Am B7 Em

Em
Everybody!

[Repeat strum pattern while 'La'ing]

         Am             B7  Em
It's the Straight Razor Cabaret!